Tuesday, 10 January 2012

My brain is the Sahara desert

Writer's block, perhaps? I don't know, I've been feeling really shit this month, and lately have been feeling less and less confident in the cogence of what I've got to say on... well, anything. I try to think of something blogworthy and I think "Ugh, can I really put an argument for or against that that sounds any good?" And I just get writer's block... and then that leads me to think of all the writing I've not done... and of course, all I'm doing is getting upset about not doing something where the solution is to do it. This just ends up in me sinking into further depression.

Then of course, this leads to the depression because of depression.

My brain is the Sahara desert, from which I feel I can't conjure anything noteworthy or interesting. And it's fucking pissing me off. I spend all the day on the computer, I don't even read that much any more. I could fix these by doing stuff but I can't be bothered because I'm lazy. Realising this makes me feel worse still.

I'm so irascible right now. I growled at the computer when Facebook wouldn't render the chat boxes correctly again, I'm shouting at my cat Taz now whenever he tries to eat my food or dig his claws into my leg, every little thing is irritating me. Ying helps, but I don't get to be open or show any displays of affection in public, so even when I'm with her I feel like I miss her.

I don't understand what the fuck is going on, I feel so lost. Right now I feel like I want to cry and I don't even know why.

I want out of this fucking desert.


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