Non-conformism (once more) - When it becomes conformism

I think that for now, at least, this is the last time that I touch on this subject, but I promised a third part and here it is.

The Esoterium of Elliotus

Go there. Nao.

http://esototus.blogspot.com/

So an epic friend of mine started a blog, apparently inspired by mine, so I wanted to write a post telling y'all that there's a new blogger on the block! :D. Go check him out in a bit, and stay tuned on Esototus for when he puts moar stuff up ^.^.

~Love Leonidas

Non-conformism (again)

Thirty years ago, it would - I am told - have been fairly normal for a black person to be referred to as a nigger, and for a gay person to be arrested. Today, "things are different" in developed countries - racism is more subtle and less socially acceptable, and anti-gay bigotry is also rendered more subtle. Both are still problems, and where discrimination has "disappeared", new forms of discrimination have cropped up in its place.

You know, I really didn't do things the right way around.

When I started school in Year 7, I was a real goody two shoes, genuinely terrified of the idea of getting a detention, and I went red hot whenever I got told off in any small way whatsoever. I often did my homework on the day, once got a positive referral, and usually revised really well, artfully, too.

As I got through school, got a few detentions and got used to teachers telling me off, and once I started to realise just how much I despised the academic system, I got lower and lower, until I've reached the point I am now: apathetic about exams, doing sporadic work that is invariably last-minute if not in class, forgetting about a lot of my homework...

I really should have done it the other way around: started out crap and got better.

Ah well.

~Love Leonidas

Non-conformism

So a friend of mine has a friend that - while being civil to me - hates me. It's little bother to me as I'm not huge on him in the first place, but what's curious is why he hates me, and that my friend dislikes the same thing about me.

I don't like this

I'm tired of this constant feeling of uninspiration, ideas flowing out of me slower than the human race becomes sensible. I'm tired of this constant sporadic anger that just comes generally out of nowhere, even after the happy times. I'm tired of something that isn't even a big deal at all and shouldn't be, but because I don't know how to deal with exams, it is. I'm tired of being a disorganised, lazy procrastinator and not having the will to do a damned thing about it. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not caring.

I don't like this. This is shit.

Finity

When there's a lot to do (a rare occurrence for someone as lazy as myself,) I get easily overwhelmed, but I have a psychological fail-safe that temporarily reassures me whenever I get into this state.

Incest - Part 2

Before reading, I highly encourage you to first read Part 1 of this post here: http://www.ruminidas.blogspot.com/2012/01/incest-part-1.html. The post has been split into two due to length.

Incest - Part 1

I've waited a long time to write this post. In retrospect, I'm not quite sure why - possibly because I was hoping for a bigger following before I got my arguments down, or maybe because I was just lazy. Both are possibilities. Regardless, this is going to be less of a post and more of an essay. So I'll begin it thus:

In this essay, I'm going to talk about a subject that society would sooner sweep under the carpet than be forced to acknowledge: incest.

My brain is the Sahara desert

Writer's block, perhaps? I don't know, I've been feeling really shit this month, and lately have been feeling less and less confident in the cogence of what I've got to say on... well, anything. I try to think of something blogworthy and I think "Ugh, can I really put an argument for or against that that sounds any good?" And I just get writer's block... and then that leads me to think of all the writing I've not done... and of course, all I'm doing is getting upset about not doing something where the solution is to do it. This just ends up in me sinking into further depression.

Then of course, this leads to the depression because of depression.

My brain is the Sahara desert, from which I feel I can't conjure anything noteworthy or interesting. And it's fucking pissing me off. I spend all the day on the computer, I don't even read that much any more. I could fix these by doing stuff but I can't be bothered because I'm lazy. Realising this makes me feel worse still.

I'm so irascible right now. I growled at the computer when Facebook wouldn't render the chat boxes correctly again, I'm shouting at my cat Taz now whenever he tries to eat my food or dig his claws into my leg, every little thing is irritating me. Ying helps, but I don't get to be open or show any displays of affection in public, so even when I'm with her I feel like I miss her.

I don't understand what the fuck is going on, I feel so lost. Right now I feel like I want to cry and I don't even know why.

I want out of this fucking desert.

~Leonidas